On graduating in absentia

It was in early February this year when I received the invitation to my graduation ceremony from the Student Records office. The first thing I checked was the date of the ceremony and it was 6 May 2017, a Saturday. As a Seventh Day Adventist Christian, I did not have to think long and hard about whether I would attend the ceremony. It is going to be on the Sabbath of the Lord and there is no way I was going to choose to attend a secular event over honouring the Lord's day of rest, so I told myself. This means that I did not even have to tell my mom about the invitation, in fact I had been struggling to make her understand what my graduation meant since December, when my degree was officially conferred. Here is the thing, in TshiVenda(and I guess in other African languages too), graduation is interpreted as meaning to wear the gown and to finish school. In December when my Bcom degree was conferred, I had not worn the gown and neither had I finished school since I still had to come back to UCT for the my postgraduate Accounting studies. So to my mom, no matter how hard I tried to explain to her, my graduation was just like me passing(as usual) and progressing to the next grade, she did not understand what the big deal was when I was celebrating my results then. Enough about my beloved mama for now.

Since I was still coming back for my Postgraduate Diploma in Accounting(PGDA), missing my first graduation ceremony did not seem to be a big deal. So I easily made peace with my decision. The school re-opened later in that month(February) and it is back to business, I'm working on getting the second invitation to the graduation ceremony, which I pray would not be on a Saturday. I was not the only Adventist in my final Bcom and BBusc class of 2016 and both Bcom and BBusc graduation ceremonies were scheduled for the same day. My fellow Adventist mates managed to ask the Student Records office if a provision can be made for them to graduate on a different day and the office agreed, subject to space availability in the ceremonies at a different date. They told me about that and I told them that I have made peace with my decision of not attending. I told them that the atmosphere would just not be the same if I am not graduating with my Bcom class but with a bunch of strangers. They understood and went on to graduate with a random class at a different ceremony.

So far one can see that the reason I graduated in absentia is not because the ceremony was on a Saturday, as I could have easily chosen to graduate at a different date. I have to say, I appreciate UCT's respect for the right to religious liberty. Neither is the reason that a ceremony on a different date would not have provided the same atmosphere as the Bcom one. If anything, graduation is more of a family affair than meeting and cheering up with friends. Most of my Bcom 2016 classmates are still my PGDA classmates so it is not like graduating with them would have been some sort of a reunion. I had made up my mind  and was going to defend my decision against anyone who would try to convince me otherwise. In fact, if I make up my mind about something, it is very hard for anyone else to change that.

The graduation week arrived and I had to run errands for a graduating friend who is now working and could only arrive here a few days before his ceremony. I can safely say that I had the same experience as someone who was actually graduating, in terms of going up and down in preparations. Standing on the queues and seeing how the graduands were as they waited to collect the gowns, hoods, tickets and all the needed for the graduation day was amazing. It was the first time that I felt I was missing out, big time, by not attending the ceremony. His people arrived on the date of the ceremony and words would fail me if I try to describe how happy they were to have been on an airplane, to be in Cape Town and finally to be in UCT to celebrate the achievements of the boy. It was then that I realised that it  is not only me who was missing out, it was also my mom and the rest of my family that are missing out on this wonderful opportunity to celebrate me. I went to campus to take pictures of the the boy and his people, and it was an emotional moment for me. Seeing the graduands with their big African families was what I was not ready for, it was just too beautiful, an experience one should never deny his loved ones. I came home, reflected on it and convinced myself that it was too late to change anything.

As the graduation week coincided with the study week, I managed to ignore much of the noise on campus and focused on my studies. Remember I have a second graduation to work towards. Now and then I would go on social media to like and comment on graduation photos and still go back and convince myself that now attending my ceremony does not make me less of a graduate. But surely this was bigger than me and what the degree meant to me. It was supposed to be a family affair, as I have pointed out earlier. I managed to convince myself that I was okay with everything and that I would be able to celebrate others without having those 'that could be me' thoughts. This was to last only until 6 May, the day of the Bcom and BBusc graduation ceremony. I managed to watch part of my classmates' ceremony on the UCT website before I went to church. The reality of seeing my friends graduating and me not being there despite my deserving really hit home. It was happening, I was hurting but what I am so grateful for is that it did not hinder me from celebrating my friends. When Lwandile tweeted the photos of him, his mom and younger brother, that was when I had my 'that could me' moment and shed a tear. I hate to admit it but I missed out by not attending my graduation.

What I did not tell my fellow Adventist classmates then was the graduating on different date was not going to change anything regarding my non-attendance decision, because bigger than the Sabbath issue was the money issue. It did not matter much on which day the ceremony would be, because either my family was going to afford to come down to Cape Town to celebrate this milestone with me. Using the Saturday date as an excuse just seemed more convenient than pleading poverty. In this world we live in, being deserving is not enough when you are poor. This is the dark side of studying so away from home. I remember almost missing out on attending my sister's funeral last due to lack of transport money, until my good friends came to my rescue. Despite this dark side, I do not regret choosing UCT or studying far away from home. I so much love what this journey has exposed to me and I would not trade it for anything. It is thorny but it is promising that it will all be worth it at the end.

I am grateful I still have the PGDA graduation ceremony coming. My prayer is that it comes up around this time of the year in 2018 and not on a Saturday. This will allow me to save up enough money to bring my mom and at least one other family down here to celebrate this milestone with me. I now have a first priority for my next year's salary for the first few months of working. For now, the focus is on obtaining the PGDA. Mistakes are not to be repeated and the last big one I did, drove me to tears. As He led me to getting the Bcom, I have no doubt He will lead to the PGDA and whatever comes after that.