No Rest For The Wicked

 

MemStone, Upper Campus, The University Of Cape Town

I have been looking forward to this short holiday since the beginning of the semester. This wasn't because I wanted to rest, I knew there will never be time for that until I finish with my year-end exams, but because I know I would need this time to tie up my some loose ends academically before the exams. How I spend my time during this holiday will have a huge impact on how ready I will be for the last term of the year. I am hoping that as much as I will work had to catch up on my schoolwork, I will also get a chance to rest properly. The fourth term will surely require me to be on top form, there's so much at stake.

First week into the term, it's going to be a test week in which I'll be writing all my four Final Year Accounting courses. I will be fighting for survival in some of my courses. There's this one I have never passed since the beginning of the year, my performance has dropped in some of them so going into this test week, my back will literally be against the wall. I'm hoping to pass all of them, as that will help me gain some confidence going into the final examinations later in November. We'll see if I'll be able to turn things around, for the better.

There's a Mergers and Acquisition(M&A) project in one of my courses coming, which promises to be an interesting task. There will also be an Auditing project coming up. Both of these are group projects. I don't see myself as much of a team player(it explains why I love running) but I am looking forward to developing my interpersonal skills and learning from the diversity of both teams I am in. Of course I will be out of my comfort zones doing these tasks but I guess it's true what they, you haven't started living until you leave your comfort zone. I really think I have not gotten the most out of my UCT experience so far and I think this will be my chance to grow as a person. I am really hoping to be that team member who adds value to the team. I get along quite well with my mates from both teams, that's a good start.

My biggest problem this year is not that I'm not working hard, but it's that I don't seem to get anything right. It's one of those moments in which I wish I knew what they mean by 'working smart'. I know I'm doing my best but my best isn't good enough. Dealing with constant failure, especially academic, isn't something I'm used to, I've always thought of myself as that guy who knows his way around his books. This holiday presents a wonderful opportunity for me to pause and think about what I'm doing and how I can improve. There's always so much happening during the term, which makes it almost impossible for one to sit back and reflect on what they are doing and how best they can do it. There's always a tutorial to do, a lecture to attend/watch, a deliverable to submit, a workshop to attend. In such an environment, it's easy for one to lose perspective and just go with the flow. Right now I need time to remind myself of why I am doing this and what it will mean for me if I do it right.

Unlike other holidays, this is not the time to just chill and watch Youtube videos. This is time to once again fall in love with my books & with my dreams and get my academic life back on track. I really have to regain my passion for Accounting, I can't keep on doing work 'just to get it done with'. My conversations about schoolwork shouldn't be focused on the doom and gloom, where's the hope?. I will work on reviving that positive spirit in me before we re-open. I will have to be very self-critical, I can't be in denial, my grades are showing that there really are things that I am doing wrong. I don't know if I am deceiving myself but I think there's still enough time for me to still get it right. Like I said, I need to be on my top form for the fourth term. Until then, there will be no rest for the wicked!

 

The Grand Finale: The Last Few Steps

This has to be the most important semester in my UCT undergraduate career. A lot is at stake now, I need to graduate, meet the admission requirements for the Accounting postgraduate programme and also get funders for the programme. With all that, I can't just 'survive', I need to do well. We have some individual and group projects coming up. It has to be the most academically demanding semester so far. I feel like the past five semester didn't prepare me enough for this.

Lately I have been asking myself if I have what it takes to make it thorough this semester. I am sure I'm not pushing myself hard enough. I only do what I am required to do and that's not enough to even pass, there's more that one has to do on their own. I don't think I can even study properly any more, I'm not as productive as I used to be. Even when my marks suck, I forgive myself easily. When I think of where I am right now and where I would want to be, I think it would take a miracle for me to get there. I have never been in such a bad space academically and it scares me that this is happening in my final semester. What scares me the most is the fact that I don't have any solid plan to rescue myself.

I usually miss the lectures for my major, Financial Reporting and even if I attend, I usually don't understand the content being taught. I don't do my tutorials properly. I don't think I have much to offer to my group mates in our BAG project, general I'm not comfortable with this BAG course. I have not passed a Corporate Governance test. I am scared of Management Accounting, it's one of those courses about which it's easy to say you will fail no matter how much you work on it. The only Accounting course that I'm comfortable with is Taxation II, it's the only one in which I've managed to obtain marks above the averages for the two tests we have written so far. I know most people in final year are feeling the pressure and not doing well but I have never been the person who finds comfort in the fact that he's not alone in the struggle. Yes, I might be in the same boat with many people but it's my personal responsibility that I jump out of that boat and fight for my survival.

I have been struggling to stay motivated. I need to go back to the drawing board and remind myself of why I'm doing this. I will need to remind myself of how I fear not amounting to anything in life. I will need to remind myself of how much of a privilege it is to study at one of the most pretigious institutions of higher learning in the African Continent and about how many lives back home can be changed if I play my part responsibly. At the end of the day, it's not just about me but also about other people who can be inspired by my success. I need to develop and implement a rescue plan before it's too late. This will require me to be very honest with myself and maybe even stop being too forgiving towards myself. I thought knowing that graduation is around the corner would keep me motivated but so far it has not. The semester will not get any easier and if some things do not change, I will only have myself to blame for my failure.

The year in general has not been great. I hope I'll be able to turn it around in the last few months of the semester. As it's Olympics time, I'm reminded of the fact that it's not how you start but how you finish that matters. I hope I will finish strong. Watch the space!